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[11 Jun 2006|07:52pm] |
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remy has been sayin dada and daddy for a couple months now and yesterday he started saying mom and momma and just now he said hi its soooooooo freakin cute hahah
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[11 May 2006|12:10am] |
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all i want is a little bit of time to find myself or unwind myself im not sure which one needs to be done...i think those are lyrics to a song something similar to it perhaps...who cares...everyday seems a little different sometimes good sometimes bad its never really neutral its always tilted more to one side or the other...i have so much in my life to be happy/proud/excited about...but so much tears me down..some days i feel my walls crumbling the walls ive worked so hard to build and it makes me sick to my stomach...other days im so excited to see what comes next and im fine...some days things are said to me that rip my heart out and smash it to pieces...other days its like it never happened...youre not supposed to drag out the past but how do you get beyond it? how do certain things not linger? thats what ive yet to learn...i cant stand people most of the time but i love to watch them. to see if theyre happy miserable acting or actually genuine....id love to be able to feel normal and be the giddy happy bubbly dumbass in the crowd enjoying themselves like there was nothing better on earth than what i was doing right that second...this isnt manic ups and downs its just sludging by...i sit around and i feel disgusting and i feel huge and i have this horrible self image that nobody would ever dream i had...i eat when im bored im ALWAYS hungry its rather annoying to be honest...ill never get back to where i used to be if i keep it up and then i have people who get angry with me and tell me that im fat..thats helpful am i obese?? no chunky yes i see overweight girls who fit in their clothes and look good and somehow i cant manage to do that...but then i think its just me and the way I see myself...its disgusting where did that come from?? i never was down on who i was physically...maybe if people watched their mouths when they were angry i would think a little better of myself...or if someone bothered to tell me "hey you look nice today" every once and awhile...i wish i could go some place beautiful by myself to relax...maybe i would take my best friend with me if she could go it would be nice to get away and pretend awhile :) i want that light thati used to have i want to feel amazing again i want to smile and be happy every freaking day to the point it makes me sick lol i dont want to be brought down i dont want to be lashed out on because youre not happy with yourself i dont watn to be blamed because youre broke and i dont have a job right now i want to be included i want to be fun again i want you to look forward to going places with me i want the normalcy that i never thought iwould want in my life...am i getting old? hah or is this just where life is supposed to take you....every page begins a different story every chapter has a different ending i want my story to be worth turning each page and finishing each chapter...i know none of this is making much sense at all but i really needed to get whatever is in me out of me right now and these are the words that flowed from my fingers...my own twisted images...my own heartaches...my own
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[10 May 2006|09:20pm] |
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wow i just noticed i havent done anything in here this year yet!! its already may too thats crazy....nothing too exciting going on in my life other than things with remy....hes already going to be 8months old on the 13th of this month hes crawling around like a mad man pulling himself up on things standing sitting up all by himself from a laying down posistion babbling away! its really amazing to watch them learn new things and watch them change every single day....i love my little man more than life and more than words could ever express...i always have some sort of drama in my life but im starting to really just not care....i want to feel free and happy like i once did and im starting to...alot of that has to do with having my lil man around me all the time....when im playing with him im free i dont think about the things bringing me down i just think about how happy he is and try to be that way too....i stay at home most of the time...we still go to shows all the time weve seen so many people recently i dunno if i could even list them....billy joel bob dylan aerosmith we went to coachella saw so many people there madonna rocked<3 were going to ministry again next week i cant wait for that theyres so awesome live...madonna pearl jam is coming up were going to cali for that one alot of shows....good thing we have good baby sitters hahah a few more of my friends are having babies which is really cool...everyone keeps teasing me cause britneys pregnant again an they keep asking me if i am cause we were both prego at the same time last year...everyone made it a race to see who would pop first and i did beat her by 12 whole hours hahah ;) i dont want anymore kids not until remy asks me for a brothr or sister hahah one is plenty for me....saw my dad last month he came out to watch remy for us when we went to coachella...that was awesome hes a great grampa! were going to alabama to see him next month hes getting married on june 17th so go him!! im excited for him...i really cant think of anything else right now to write about so ill update again soemtime lol
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[07 Dec 2005|01:55pm] |
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music |
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sia - breathe me |
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Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
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[13 Nov 2005|01:41pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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| You Passed 8th Grade Math | 
Congratulations, you got 7/10 correct!
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[26 Sep 2005|07:28pm] |
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2 years ago today was the happiest day ever and i always like to look back and reflect and see what im feeling now compared to then....as i said last year at this time its funny how shit changes...i wish for that happiness to be back...it was breifly everything seemed normal but leave it to me to shove a stick into a turning blade....sometimes i dont think and i need to work on that..dont get me wrong im still happy and i love my little family...i just dont always think and i need to so we can resume the happiness we once had that was so fucking awesome :)
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| perfect |
[18 Sep 2005|06:17pm] |
sometimes getting all the things you wish for isn't all it's cracked up to be. it's a rare instance when you get all you want, and even more rare that you get it all at once. you find yourself looking around wondering how you got there. you wanted a change, you wanted a more exciting life, you wanted personal fulfillment, you wanted travel, you wanted a little more than you had, you wanted something you didn't think you needed, you wanted to not be bored... but then you got everything you wanted and some things you didn't know you wanted at the same time. i quit the life, i quit the job, i found an opportunity, i pursued a feeling, i discovered a possibility, i took a chance, i grabbed control, i made my world; and now i'm in a place i would never have even thought to think.
everyday is brand new, life is not so boring, it is not routine, it is a lot. when i wake up i'm excited and nervous. i'm happy. i love the thought of going somewhere new, and the unknown that each day will bring. i'm stimulated, and inspired, intrigued and curious, i'm affected and have an effect... and that's just what i have going on here...
doors are always opening and closing; it's whether or not we take the chance and step through that matters.
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| remy valentino winer<3 |
[15 Sep 2005|11:45pm] |
September 13th 2005 11:07pm
8lbs 4oz
22in long
he was not happy to have me in his face taking pics but i thought that was a cute one
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[05 Sep 2005|11:09am] |
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well house is ready im getting the keys in a bit and starting to move stuff in...little stuff for me!! yay for once when we move i dont have to lug everything around like im a heman!! :D
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[27 Aug 2005|10:26pm] |
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ok i have gestational diabetes and have been having to stick my fingers!! EWWWWWY!!! so gross i hate it haha but what can ya do....that means my lil turd is gonna be bigger than normal so theyll have to induce me early....the drs didnt expect me to get as far as i have gotten AT ALL my problems with my cervix all started bout 26 or 27 wks and theyve all told me that 99.9% of people with the same problems never make it near as far as i have...im 36wks now...i could have him anyday tho which scares me!!! im starting to get the "omg im gonna have a kid" anxiety and i dunno what to do with myself!!! im nervous im freaked out im scared i dunno i wish i was more excited and i kinda feel bad that im not...i guess thats normal??? i think im having small nervous breakdowns and its annoying :( doesnt help to have all these damn dumb hormones going through me....2 and half more weeks at most and im gonna have him...yeeesh time really flies doesnt it...on a nicer note were moving into a house soon....sept 15th itll be ready and were going to start moving our things in...the house is awesome 4 bdrooms two bath stone pool and hot tub palm trees<3 *drool* its gorgous ill post up some pics when we get in there anywho i need to take a bath or something to relax ive done stressed myself out tonight haha
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[20 Aug 2005|10:42pm] |
went to ozzfest yesterday totally not worth the money....its too hot here and they really shouldnt come here in august lol the only band worth seeing the whole time was iron maiden...we went late tho cause we didnt wanna see any of the first half of the show...people back on the lawn started several fires and were going insane dancing around them and through them it was pretty funny because the security people would run through and put one out and go on to the next one and the people would have a huge pile of trash already lit up again where it was just put out...we went back there to check it out for a few it was cool...
toniight we went and saw the white stripes...i saw them a couple yrs back adn they were soooooooooooooo good....tonight they blew ass the sound was horrible and jack whites voice has gotten incredibly whiny...the only fun part of tonight was sitting in the hallway on these chairs they have out there near the bathrooms and of all people i see at this show i see my obgyn haha i was like OMG and i think she was drunk she came up and was all OMG BLABLABLABLABLABLABLA and steven was like are you drinking??? and she was all im not doing a very good job of it i justs pilled my drink all over myself....she was funny it was really strange seeing her outside of the office cause i just saw her today....steven asled her if she ever hung out with her patients cause he always bugs me to ask her to hang out sometime haha and she was like yaaah all the time i even went on a blind date one of my patients set me up on and i dont wanna ever see that patient again cause it was the most dredful thing ive ever been through...shes awesome shes pretty young and shes so pretty i love her id totally hang out with her but that would be weird...oh yah this is my friend celina shes a dr. ew that makes me feel so so old and mature hahahha anywho im sooooooooo exhausted im gonna hit the sack
later taters
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[18 Aug 2005|11:40pm] |
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i cut my hair and im not happy...the cuts not bad btu i need to be able to color it and i cant :( my forehead isnt big enough either i guess i should be happy i dont have a giant forhead but i think if my head was bigger my hair would look better hahah i just had a very unsatisfying day overall and im annoyed with it...imr eady for sleep and to wake up to yet another day that will most likely annoy me haha :) joy joy i get to go and get my diabetes kit too....i am not looking forward to sticking myself all the time...at least it will only be for another few weeks...since i have this gestational diabetes shit now....if i dont go into labor early like they initially thought i was with the preterm labor i will be induced at 38wks....thats 3.5 weeks from today...scary stuff in less than a month im gonna be a mommy
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[10 Aug 2005|07:09pm] |
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my sister in law is having her baby today :D i spent most of this morning in the hospital with her its so emotional!!! doesnt help that im 8 and a half months pregnant myself and my hormones are raging!! they came in and broke her water and it freaked me out god bless her it hurt her so bad!!! i dont wanna be poked and prodded just let this kid come out quick! shes also being induced and i wont have to be so thats a plus for me....she had her epidural put in bout an hour ago i guess it was....i dont want one i really have things against meds but i told steven im not saying no i just dont want it if i cant take it then whatever but im not in the mood for doing something nobody in my family has ever done lol its just not my style....everything has been upsetting me or pissing me off lately to its kinda funny...soon as i hit that 8 month mark it seemed like a switch in me was flipped and i turned into a nasty unpleasant person...sorry for the people who have to put up with me! not much longer to go tho! i go to the dr again friday and see if ive dilated anymore from last week...another fetal fibernectin test to determine if i have the two week window again where i wont go into labor....lets seeeeeeeeeeee what happens now! i really hope that dr reyes is on call when i go into labor because i really DO NOT want the other two drs at the clinic touching me they make me uncomfortable and if they do happen to be the ones on call i will tell the hospital to fuck off and die because theyre not touching me....i wanna scream!
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| im bored |
[26 Jul 2005|12:24pm] |
Invalid video URL.
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[14 Jul 2005|01:48pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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im having one of those emotional days....
joy
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[12 Jul 2005|01:19pm] |
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ok yay i was in the hospital for ten days woohoo! god that sucked so freakin bad i flipped out hard when they told me they were going to admit me....i dont do hospitals....it was weird but im home now still on bed rest and i want to stay home on bedrest its not the greatest thing but id rather be here than there....im going to go lay down an watch my soaps joy joy
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[24 Jun 2005|02:56pm] |
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mood |
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ive been put on bed rest now because i am going into preterm labor.....im scared beyond belief right now and im not ready for this at all....i had alot going on the next couple of months and im selfish i wanted to go on these next two trips before the baby came and now i cant and that upsets me...i have HUGE issues with not being able to do anything at all...i get way too bored way too easily then i get nasty....i dunno how to do this....i just hope that everything is ok and that i dont go into labor anytime soon :( what i dont understand is how i havent had any contractions at all yet my cervix is starting to funnel..makes no sense to the drs either but what can u do...now i have to get some weird test done every two weeks to see if im going to go into labor within the next two weeks and i have to have an ultrasound done once a week...im becoming a burdon on people yay what ive always wanted
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[15 Jun 2005|02:29pm] |
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im super tired and about to go to breakfast...yesterday i did nothing but spend endless amounts of money...today ill probably do the same...i got an amazing pair of versace sunglasses that are now my pride and joy and will probably never leave my face! i love them so much<3 got steven some shoes too cause im nice i need to go get some clothes today for my trip and then im good! later taters
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genarox's journal
